Eye Circles, frustration and tiredness. Countless hours of exercising, creating, publishing and promoting.
And yet, nothing. Not a progress, not a clue on what to do next. I don't want to be "famous", but I'm feeling into the "eternal twilight zone", and it sucks.
Here it comes.
Sneaky, scary and strong. The question in my head:
"Why should I keep on doing this?"And, following, its scary siblings:
- "don't you see how many people are better on doing this than you?"
- "Oh wow, look at that girl's artworks! And she's only 18, what are you doing?"
- "Why don't you just start doing fan art!? At least someone would care about your works!"
- "Why bother? Don't you see how things are going? If you're not a genius in art or a perfect p.r. you're doomed!"
- "C'mon, you're over 30, just accept that your work it's a waste of time!"
- "Look, even your family couldn't care less about your art!"
- "Yes, your boyfriend supports you, but maybe in his heart thinks that you're just a deluded, average artist"
- "Aren't you just wasting your time?"
- "Why don't go back to your old job? At least as bartender you were appreciated!"
- And so f*****g on.
Yeah, yeah, I know, it's called
PARANOIA, and I also know that out there there are FOR REAL loads of artists better than me, it's like they're keeping pop out from everywhere, just to remember me how damn incompetent I am. I also know that maybe I should take a rest, try to reorder my life and my art, or maybe take another route, leave it behind and go back to a "normal job".
But there's the problem: I just can't stop doing art.
This is a damn course. Or maybe just stupidity.
I had to get it off my chest.